You may have noticed that halloween is approaching. If you hadn’t, then constantly seeing cobwebs, skeletons and ghosts everywhere must’ve been quite a surprise. The tradition of halloween is a long and sanctimonious one. A day of much reverence and respect, where food producers are able to turn a tidy profit by making Jaffa Cakes or mini rolls in new colours, and children can wander the streets late at night without fear, on the one day they’re supposed to be frightened.
But you know what halloween is. The big question is, “what are you going to wear?” A wrong choice could, after all, make or break everyone’s opinion of you permanently. Children will laugh at you, and your relatives will weep openly about your poor choice of costume and how it has soiled their entire legacy, stretching back to that one fish who learned to walk. Uncle Terry or something. I digress. If you’re thinking of going as a sexy cat or anyone from Breaking Bad, expect to meet eight or nine people with the same idea every couple of hours. And if you’re costume is “the frightening physical embodiment of social anxiety” make sure people will actually get it without you constantly having to tell them. So here are some halloween costumes that may amaze you, disgust you, or even blow your mind. Which might make your zombie costume that much more convincing.
This person went as a camera. A camera-man. More specifically the Instagram camera, which is far more current. Who even knows what a camera is anymore. But what’s particularly neat about this costume, is that the camera functions as a camera. The screen on the back is an iPad, so any photos taken with the front show up on the back. This means you can take torso-high photos all day. Which may or may not be a good thing.
Tiny screens in general seem to be able to take costumes to the next level. One man used a videocamera and a small monitor to make a wound that looked like it really went all the way through him.
And here’s a smartphone being made to look like an eye. Because it’s impossible to make an eye.
This child wanted to be a bowl of spaghetti. And that’s what he became. It’s inspiring.
And a family dressed as the movie labyrinth. I hope they bought the dog specially. That’s the kind of attention to detail people look for.
This year saw the release of the “sexy ebola nurse costume,” which is both offensive and unsexy. Never a winning combination.
It doesn’t end there, either. You can also get the sexy ebola containment suit. It’s good to know that there’s literally nothing that can’t be capitalised on. Look at that sexy breathing mask. It’s like a post-apocalyptic Lynx advert. It would be depressing to see Lynx survive the apocalypse. Of course, I can decry these costumes, but I’ve put pictures of them on here, so I’m still advertising them, even if I don’t want to.
The trouble with bad costumes, is that they’re more terrifying than your really detailed iron-man suit you spent far too much money on. So I’m not going to attack people for wearing cheap or hastily put together costumes, because the internet already seems pretty intent on attacking them for, if anything, getting their costumes right. Good for you, people in weird costumes.
And then of course, there’s the perfect balance of putting way too much time into something and being genuinely unsettling and scary. The perfect balance. So if you don’t mind sticking large amounts of all sorts on your face to make the perfect costume, here are some pictures to inspire you. Just hope you don’t get an itchy nose.